Saturday, January 21, 2012

I Am Sad

So recently I went through a pretty horrible break up that left me wondering am I at fault as much as the other person was. Some serious heart searching had to take place because I like most people tend to feel innocent and blameless when "someone does me dirty". But oh how dirty I played. I know that anything I did wrong was not nearly to the degree of what was being done wrong to me but I still need to take the blame where blame is due. So I confessed and repented to that person which left me with a lot of peace still heartbroken but with peace. 
I almost feel as though I am to blame for my brokenness because I knew better than to date a guy like that. Not that he is a bad guy just that he is a guy who is still in the early stages of his walk while I like to think that I am much further along than he. My desire has been for a Godly man, a man who walks in wisdom, a man who is somewhat in the same place as myself in their walk. Then I thought that maybe I was being too judgmental or thought of myself as being further in my walk than I actually was. So I let this fellow into my life thinking it was okay. It wasn't and now I'm hurting and am wondering when my eyes will stop doing that watering thing.

But God is good! Brokenness is a tool that has been used many times over for by Yeshua to draw me close to Himself. Being this raw helps me focus on searching my heart for anything that should be there and asking for help. I want the people around and beyond to know Christ and to follow Him. I want God to be glorified and I want people to have the peace that I have. Though I hope I can get over my ex-boyfriend sooner than soon I have no doubt that God will take this mess and use it for His glory.

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